


A Goat Walks Into A Bar

by WritingWithMeg



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bar/Pub, Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, M/M, Meet-Cute, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:34:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28498374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingWithMeg/pseuds/WritingWithMeg
Summary: Lambert owns a brewery (Tequila Mockingbird) with his best friend, Aiden and one morning he opens up shop to find that one of the goats from the small farm down the road has escaped and gotten into his bar.
Relationships: Eskel/Lambert (The Witcher)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32
Collections: The Witcher Secret Santa 2020





	A Goat Walks Into A Bar

**Author's Note:**

  * For [martianapplecrumble](https://archiveofourown.org/users/martianapplecrumble/gifts).



> This is my Secret Santa gift for the wonderful martianapplecrumble I hope you enjoy <3

Lambert fumbled with his keys as he unlocked the back door to his brewery. It was far too early to open, but someone had to check on the latest batch of applejack and to look over the ledgers to ensure that the bar was ready to open that night. Slipping into the warm building he curses the fact that his truck doesn’t ever seem to get warm enough and that his business partner Aiden refuses to work mornings. Lambert started his morning off in the usual way, going over the previous nights inventory logs and checking up on the distillery that was attached to the bar. As he wandered to the front of the bar, there was a strange noise at the front door a scraping sound followed by a bump and more scraping.   
Opening the front door Lambert peered out into the empty parking lot and startled as a small goat brushed by him and wandered into the bar. Now, Lambert knows that one of the buildings down the road has a small pen out back with a few goats and chickens but a goat wandering into his bar like it owned the place was a very new and unexpected occurrence. Closing the door against the cool winter air Lambert scrambled to see where the little goat had run off to. A minute later he found the goat behind the oak counter of his bar, nibbling contently on a piece of celery that had fallen off the counter the night before. Now that he had found the goat Lambert had no idea what to do, he didn’t want it wandering through his lovely bar causing chaos and potentially trying to eat the furniture, but the goat also needed to be out of the way before people arrived for lunch.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Meanwhile Eskel was panicking. He runs a small but credible animal rehabilitation center and a new volunteer had left one of the goat pens unlocked the night before. Usually this wouldn’t be a problem, however the unlocked pen in question belonged to his little herd of pygmy goats which housed his favorite goat, Lil’bleater. The primary problem with that is Lil’bleater had made it her life goal to be a professional escape goat shortly after he adopted her. After assuring himself that she was the only goat who had decided to escape the warm, dry pen, Eskel finished feeding the little goats and locked the pen. Now he was faced with actually finding the sweet terrible little goat who was usually out trying to steal the chicken’s food. Finding the chicken coop empty of goats and no sign of the little goat anywhere else on the property he had to consider the fact that Lil’bleater may have wandered off further than he first thought. Eskel’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the rescue’s phone ringing inside the building. He skidded through the door and grabbed the phone just in time to pick it up and greet the caller, “Kaer Morhen animal rescue this is Eskel speaking, how can I help you?” The reply was quick to come   
“Hi, this is your neighbor, Lambert at Tequila Mockingbird. I opened to front door this morning to find a little white and brown goat who wandered into my bar. Would you happen to know whose goat it is?”   
Eskels heart soared in relief as the worry for his favorite goat evaporated. “Oh, thank the goddesses! That’s Lil’bleater, one of our newer rescue goats she escaped sometime last night, and I’ve been looking for her all morning! I’ll be over to pick her up in just a few minutes if that’s okay with you, I’m so glad she’s alright! She has a tendency to escape and she seems to have gotten bolder in where she wanders”.  
“ Thank goodness she’s yours, I have to open the bar by 11:30 for lunch and I don’t think I could run a bar and babysit your goat at the same time, I also know nothing about goats so the sooner you can pick her up the better”.   
“I’d definatly be hard to run a bar and manage goats, I’ll be over as soon as possible to pick up Lil’Bleater, just try to keep an eye on her till I get there”.  
“Okidoik, but if she eats any of the furniture in here someone other than me has to pay for it”.   
With that the phone line clicked off and Eskel was hopping into his beat-up truck about four seconds later. He was usually nervous when meeting new people because they tend to judge him based on his scars and his strong build. He’s tall and bulky in the way that lots of heavy farm work makes people and that make some people nervous around him. Today however he didn’t have time to feel nervous around the absolute relief that his little escape goat would soon be home safe. The drive to the bar felt like it took forever even though it was barley five minutes down the road. As Eskel pulled into the parking lot he couldn’t help but wonder which of the bar’s owners Lambert was, he had seen both of them at one point or another as they set up the bar a few months previously but he had never actually had the time to introduced himself to them. Eskel steeled himself as he knocked on the door, anxiously waiting for Lambert to open the door.  
<><><><><><><><><><><>  
Meanwhile Lambert was attempting to take inventory of the bar and keep a determined little goat out of the fridge at the same time. The adorable little goat was trying to eat everything that it could see which makes counting beer cans and the other odds and ends in the bar much more difficult than it should be. Ten minutes later a blessed knock comes from the front door and Lambert rushes to the door to greet his savior.   
The door to the quaint little brewery is thrown open, and Eskel is suddenly face to face with a very handsome and slightly flustered man. Lambert is a full head shorter than he is but seems to have a solid build. There was a long quiet pause as both men looked each other over before Lambert finally broke the silence.  
“You’re Eskel Right”?  
“Yeah, on the phone you said that you had found Lil’Bleater”?  
“I think she found me, she wandered right in the door this morning and I’m glad that you were available to come get her. Follow me”.  
With that Lambert had turned around and disappeared into the bar. Eskel hurried to keep up with him and found himself examining the dark but stylish bar. The bar itself was only half lit as it wasn’t open yet but seemed like a welcoming space. Lambert strutted behind the bar and Eskel peaked behind the bar to see his little rascal of a goat happily sitting there. Eskel also noticed how attractive the bar owner was. A head shorter than himself and showing off just muscled enough arms to prove that owning a bar had some heavy labor involved, Lambert was Eskel’s type through and through. He had to shake his head to clear those kinds of thoughts and he hurried to Lambert’s side to clip a harness and a leash onto Lil’Bleater.  
“Thanks so much for looking after Lil’Bleater for me! I’ll try to make sure she doesn’t escape again and I’m terribly sorry for bothering you this morning” Eskel spewed in a quick fountain of words.  
“It’s no problem” Lambert muttered, “In fact since she’s out of here before lunch she didn’t even really interrupt my morning, she actually made it better. It’s much more interesting to meet you than it is to open the bar”. The two wandered back too the front door of the bar, Eskel watching Lil’Bleater closely to ensure that she doesn’t try to escape her harness. At the door, there is a second of awkward hesitation as they both look at each other. As Eskel reaches for the door handle, Lambert thrusts a business card out towards him.  
“If your interested you should call me… I’d like to get to know you better. Of course its no pressure if you aren’t interested, but please think about it” Eskel slowly takes the card and grins.  
“Yeah! I’ll definitely call you; we could get coffee sometime next week or something like that”.  
“That sounds great, you have a safe day and look after your little runaway! I look forwards to seeing you soon” Lambert beamed and watched as Eskel corralled his little goat into his truck and trundled off towards his home.   
<><><><><><><><><><><>  
The two met up for coffee the next week, then to watch lacrosse at Lamberts bar then for dinner and movie dates galore. Before they knew it the two were introducing each other to their families and explaining the ridiculous coincidence of a goat deciding to walk into a bar.


End file.
